Why I want to help midlife women take over the world.
Hey there Beautiful!
So today’s episode is going to be two different things.
The first is me telling you a bit more about who I am, and the second is me telling you why I do what I do. I know that I’ve been telling you bits and pieces about myself along the way but there’s some stuff that I’ve held back and frankly don’t want to anymore. I guess I’m doing this to be a bit more transparent which I think will help me get rid of this uncomfortable feeling that I haven’t been completely honest with you. But I really haven’t been holding back per se in order to hurt you or create mischief. It was more about omitting details.
This is so you can choose whether or not to keep listening to the podcast.
Gosh, I sound so gloom and doom.
Let me start at the beginning.
I was born in Florida but moved to California when I was barely one. My parents tell me that I had to relearn how to walk once we got to California since on the drive there weren’t a lot of times to practice walking. Way too much sitting in the car!
My parents now live just down the road from me and I love it! A year or so after moving back to California, my sister was born and we lived and grew up in San Jose, California. We fought like cats and dogs throughout most of our childhood but are much, much better today.
During these young years, I took ballet classes, piano lessons, and gymnastics.
My younger years and I survived Catholic school.
I attended Catholic school until the 5th grade where lots of teasing went on regarding my newly acquired glasses and braces. You can hear about that in episode 43.
What I forgot to mention in that episode was that I do feel that all the teasing did allow my dry sense of humor to develop and the ability to think of zingers when confronted with a man who is being a real jerk.
I left Catholic school when my parents bought a house about 20 minutes away. I finally had my own room and I was in heaven. There was a neighborhood pool just down the street where I started out as gate guard, checking people in as they entered the pool, and selling snacks. I eventually became a lifeguard because who doesn’t want to be a lifeguard during the high school years! Sit outside, get tan, and all the cute boys! I also participated on the neighborhood swim team until I didn’t want to do it any more in high school.
There is a belief that I constantly work on about how there must be something wrong with me since friends seem to leave.
In my new suburban, idyllic neighborhood, I attended one school for 6th grade, another school for 7th and 8th, and then still another for all of high school.
I always thought there was something wrong with me since every time I changed schools, I had to start over making friends again.
My best friend in 6th grade moved away. I made new friends for 7th grade and by 9th grade, two friends moved away and the other we had a disagreement which I can’t remember what it was about but, of course, it was super important at the time.
There is a belief that I constantly work on about how there must be something wrong with me since friends seem to leave. Totally not true but the belief was created and enforced every time a friend left me behind.
Junior high had all the angst only junior high can have.
But it was also the time of great 80s music, MTV, Atari, and Seventeen magazine. I had my first boyfriend, big hair with the help of A LOT of hairspray, loud clothes with shoulder pads, finally convinced my mom to get me contacts, and became a cheerleader.
High school was high school, always trying to fit in and not be noticed.
I was a cheerleader three of the four years since I took one year off to pursue other interests like drama.
I was in a few school productions and the ones that I remember are being Elizabeth Proctor in the “The Crucible” and the role of a daughter of some sort of play that was set in the 70s. I remember that one since I got to wear my mom’s going away dress from her wedding which was an A-line lime green swing dress.
I was voted senior class secretary and was lucky enough to go to prom both junior and senior years. I could have gone my freshman year but my mom said, “NO WAY!” and I had to turn the senior class boy down. I worked a number of retail jobs at Express, Bare Escentuals, and A Pea In The Pod.
I also met my husband in high school.
I didn’t know he existed until he sat down next to me for our senior year physics class and became one of my lab partners.
I had to drag my freshman, sophomore, and junior year high school yearbooks out to figure out “How’d I missed him!” Once I looked at his photos and who he hung out with during those earlier years, I knew why I had missed him.
He was a skater boy who hung out in a different part of the outside quad area and I didn’t have him in ANY classes before physics class our senior year.
I finally got the nerve up to ask him out!
Nothing happened because I was way too shy to ask him out and he was dating someone else for a while.
But finally, I got up the courage and my future husband finally ditched the girl he was dating so I was able to ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance, the one dance where the girls ask the guys to the dance.
He said yes, thank God, and we went on our first date on March 17, 1991.
I remember that our physics teacher was taking photos of all the couples at the dance and when it was our turn to take the photo, our teacher was like, “Oh you two. Oh I didn’t know.” It was like we had somehow kept from him that we were dating.
And onto the college years . . .
Once I finished high school I went to San Jose State University. I really, really wanted to go to Chico State but my parents said they couldn’t afford it and it would be up to me to figure out how to pay for it.
I had NO idea how I was going to do that so I stayed in San Jose. Again, all of my friends left to go to other schools and I was stumbling around trying to figure out how to make friends again.
I was going to commute back and forth to school for the first year so my mom suggested that I try and join a sorority. The whole rush process for an introvert like me was OVERWHELMING but I survived and joined Alpha Phi.
I actually stayed away from the house for over a week because I needed that time to gather my strength and nerve to walk into a house of 50 women that I didn’t know. But I finally did it and I was glad that my mom had pushed me into doing it.
As a commuter student, there wouldn't have been that many opportunities to meet people and the sorority instantly allowed me to be a part of a group. I made some great friends and am still connected to many of them today.
Throughout college I worked at Chili’s Bar & Grill, first as a waitress and then moved my way up to bartender. Oh, the stories about tending bar, but I will save them for a later date.
During college my future husband and I broke up.
Let me rephrase that and say I broke up with him. I felt like everything was too serious and I hadn’t done enough or really dated enough to ensure that he was the one. But after a few years I figured out what a dumb dumb I had been and we got back together again.
One night he surprised me at work and whisked me away to San Francisco to propose to me at the top of the Fairmont Hotel where the restaurant had panoramic views of the city. There was so much traffic and we missed our reservation. My husband was so antsy and I couldn’t figure out why.
He proposed in the sweetest way, but I missed it!
I told him that it’s fine if we missed the reservation and let’s just go to our favorite Mexican food restaurant instead. We did and it wasn’t until later when we were walking down next to the water that the reason he was so upset that we missed the reservation was because he had hired a plane to fly by with a banner that said, “Will you marry me?”
He then got down on one knee and proposed. We married a year later, I graduated from college a year after that, and our daughter was born about a year after that.
Housing was WAY TOO expensive and so we left California.
We decided that we couldn’t afford to buy a house in San Jose so we started looking around at other places to see if we could move and then afford a house. My husband was offered to work for his sister and her husband in their construction business in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
We took a trip out there and I knew we were going to move there when the plane was circling to make its descent into Albuquerque, New Mexico. I get these feelings of intuition and I knew with absolute certainty we were going to move there even before we had actually seen Santa Fe.
After we moved and bought a house, our son was born a few months later. I had postpartum depression for about a year after his birth. It took another year to get better and what I didn’t know at the time was how going through that depression would help me years and years later.
I am a huge believer in the idea that whatever you go through will help you later. You don’t know it at the time but I have faith that all will be revealed at a later date and all that I learned while struggling, will help myself or someone else later.
We stayed in Santa Fe for two more years and realized that it wasn’t for us. The air was very dry and my skin had never been so dry and chapped than when I lived there.
And then decided to come back to California.
My husband then decided that he wanted to get out of the construction biz and become a chef, a dream of his for a number of years. He applied to the California Culinary Academy in San Francisco, was accepted and we moved back to California, this time moving in with my parents in a little town southwest of Yosemite National Park.
My parents had moved up there to be closer to my dad’s parents and help them in their declining old age. We moved into the basement of their house and my husband drove back and forth to San Francisco every week for a year and a half to attend classes.
He lived with a high school buddy in an apartment because we knew that we couldn’t afford to live in San Francisco with an entire family to support. After he completed his degree, he got an internship in Virginia and we moved to Virginia where we have been ever since.
The neighborhood we bought a house in reminded us of our childhood where the houses were a bit unperfect with bikes haphazardly left in the driveway, green grass in the front yards a bit too long, and people out walking their dogs that would wave to you as you drove by in your car.
All this time I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mom to our two children.
But I was feeling restless and wanted to go back to work.
As my children grew up, I worked as a photographer for high school senior portraits exclusively but as an assistant for all other ‘shoots’ for the main photographer which included family sessions, couples, engagements, bridals, and weddings.
I changed jobs and learned to be a human resources coordinator for an online food company. At that same company, I convinced them to let me take a stab at marketing and public relations.
I then left that job to assist my husband with his construction business which I still do to this day since he had stopped being a highly skilled professional chef to go into business himself a few years before. I do everything except meeting with clients, any physical labor or creating bids for his business.
I then decided to go back to an outside job and worked for a small investment firm as first a receptionist and then moving to a client associate to help interact with clients answering their questions.
Again, I believe all of my jobs have led me to right now and helped me to develop the skills I would need to do the job that fills my soul, helping women go after their dreams now that their kids have grown.
Having postpartum depression helped me later with my daughter.
But before I get to that, I have to circle back and tell you about how having postpartum depression helped me later.
Well it didn’t actually help me, it helped my daughter.
If you have been listening to this show you may be a bit confused right now because I usually say I have two sons.
And I do, I have two sons.
That’s because my daughter finally figured out who she really was about five years ago and became my son. There is a lot to this story that I may or may not go into at a later date.
I subconsciously knew that the journey for my son from the day he was born was going to be one full of twists and turns. He struggled with depression in high school and because I had gone down the black spiral of depression I recognized the signs and knew that he needed help.
He is so much happier now than he was in high school and that’s all a mother wishes for their children, is for them to be happy.
I am so lucky that his soul was born into our family and my heart breaks when I hear other souls are not as lucky with their families.
My door will always be open to people who need someone to love, listen, and support them.
The reason I’m telling you about this is because I have memories to share with you but I feel like I can’t because they would be confusing to you without some background.
If I want to tell you about the time that my daughter and I went on a recruiting trip for field hockey and how she was recruited to play for a D1 level college, you would be confused since I’ve told you I have two sons. Or how hard it was to find fancy outfits for my daughter in elementary school because she hated wearing dresses, you would be confused since I’ve told you I have two sons.
So I am trying to eliminate the confusion and tell you the truth. I’m still learning how to navigate the language that the LGBTQ community prefers so I’m sure I’m going to fall flat on my face every once in awhile and I’m perfectly okay with that. The harder I fall on my face the quicker I will learn and get myself back up again.
Yes, I checked with my son first before posting anything!
And in case you are wondering, I told my son what I was going to do and had him check over what I wrote because I didn’t want to get it wrong.
He texted me, “Awww, that is beautiful. You always know how to say things so eloquently.”
And then he said, “Yeah it's something you need to talk about because you can’t talk about my past without discussing it and hopefully not confusing people. It's like everyone gotta come out ‘cause of me.” And then multiple laughing emojis.
That’s how we get through things with a lot of laughter and constant communication.
So how’d I get here, to this very moment that I’m talking to you? The second part of this podcast was to tell you why I do what I do.
About the junior year of high school for my eldest son, I noticed that my kids didn’t need me as much as they once did. Instead of driving from lacrosse practice to band rehearsal and back home to pick up missing cleats after a frantic phone call from my youngest son, I found myself with extra time that I felt compelled to fill in. But I didn’t know with what?
So much time but not enough things to do in order to fill it up.
I no longer had to manage my children’s school schedules, doctor appointments, band rehearsals, work schedules, social lives, room cleanliness, where they left their homework, or find their missing cars keys that they can’t find by just staring at everything in their room instead of actually picking things up with their hands to find the ring of keys under a pile of dirty laundry.
Or instead of cooking for an army, I would reheat leftovers three to four nights a week because I hadn’t gotten the knack yet to cook for only two people.
But something was missing.
I had this extra time and I should’ve been overjoyed with the new control over my life. But something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on what was bugging me.
The ME I once thought I knew was now restless, searching, uncomfortable; like there was a nagging, elusive task I forgot on my to-do list and couldn’t quite remember why it was important.
After a few long years I figured it out.
I had put myself at the bottom of my priority list and didn’t know how to get back at the top.
I knew I wanted to do something for myself and create my own business.
And because of all of my past jobs of sales person, waitress, bartender, administrative assistant, photographer, human resources, marketing, public relations, and office manager I had so much knowledge that could be applied to a million different jobs.
So, I searched and searched for what to do next, and in February 2018, I stumbled across Marie Forleo. I can’t even remember how I did but I think I saw a link for something she was doing called B-School and signed up to find out more about it. I went through her free training and signed up for B-School when I could. B-School was a couple of months program that would help you figure out what business you wanted to create and the right way to go about it.
Through her program I figured out what I wanted to do.
I wanted to help other women not go through years of struggling after their kids had grown up and coach those women to live their best life on their terms.
After I figured out what I wanted to do, I kept going.
After I completed B-School I signed up in May 2018 for Coach U in order to get my coaching certificate. By March 2019 I finished my coaching training and launched this podcast and my website on June 11, 2019. While all this was going on B-School, Coach U, building my website, and creating this podcast, I was working full time at the small investment firm.
And now when this podcast episode is released, I will have only three weeks left of working for someone else.
You can’t know how excited I am while being slightly terrified that I’m about to jump off the cliff and expecting that the net will appear to catch me.
But I’m doing it!
The biggest thing I’m doing this year is launching my monthly membership on April 27th. So if you want to learn more about it especially the weeks leading up to April 27th, go to The Next Step Society and join the waitlist to be one of the first to find out all the details.
The reason I’m launching the membership is because I’ve been right where you are.
The thing I hear the most is that you feel lost and your sense of purpose is gone without your kids.
My goal is to help you figure out where you are now and how to get to where you want to go.
And yes, you might not know where they want to go.
But that’s what makes it so, so exciting! Creating the path together for you to change and grow and learn new things. I want for you to build a life you truly love.
Yeah it might be a bit scary actually focusing on you for a change, instead of everyone else.
But you are SO-OOO worth it. You will become an even better version of you. This is your time to be selfish and give yourself permission to be the number one item on your to-do list. I want for you to find the person you are now. Just because you are wandering doesn’t mean that you are lost.
I'm committed to helping you figure out all the steps on how to get to where you want to go.
I am far from perfect and I don’t have all the answers.
But I am committed to sharing my experience, skills, wisdom, and all of my stumbles to help you move forward.
If you are willing to take my hand and go on this new adventure, I can honestly tell you it will be worth it.
You will succeed!
Now I'll let you in on the inside joke for the title of this episode.
I hope you like the title of this episode,” I’m Going To Take Over The World. Would You Like To Join Me?”
It’s kind of an inside joke that I want to let you in on.
Whenever I’m planning something or have solved a problem in an extremely clever way that other people said was impossible, I like to say to myself, “This is all a part of my master plan to take over the world.”
And then I laugh like my version of Mike Myers’ character, Dr. Evil, from the Austin Powers movies. “Muahahaha!” I have written the phrase/word ‘muahahaha’ so many times that my iPhone knows to suggest that as one of my words when I’m texting people. That muahahaha and the purple smiling devil face I use quite frequently together while texting.
Now I don’t mean literally I’m going to take over the world.
But given the right tools and motivation, heck, anything’s possible.
No really, I’m kidding.
But what I am saying is that I use this phrase to help motivate me to keep going and keep solving problems and helping as many women as I can.
I’m a problem solver. I’m a helper. It’s part of my DNA.
I can’t make my brain stop working on trying to come up with solutions when presented with a challenge.
There are no problems, only solutions.
So when I see women posting on social media about the problem they are having with their spouse, or the struggles that they are having with their children, or their boss, or even with themselves, all I want to do is help solve them.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to help other people. I love to learn and then pass on my encouragement, knowledge, and positivity to others in the hope they can improve their life in a small way.
But . . .
But I’m also EXTREMELY tired.
Now I don’t mean tired like a gotta take a nap.
What I mean is I’m tired with a heavy dose of frustration.
This is when the power of only hearing my voice may not be enough to convey what I’m trying to say without you seeing my facial expressions and what I’m doing with my clenched hands in the shape of a fist.
But I will try.
Here are some of the things that tire me out with frustration in the hope that you will understand what I’m trying to say:
- I’m tired of women saying no to themselves.
- I’m tired of women feeling that they are less than.
- I’m tired of women clenching their teeth and plastering on a smile, because they’ve been taught to be nice girls.
- I’m tired of strong women being told they’re bossy.
- I’m tired of women apologizing for taking up space.
- I’m tired of women allowing men to dictate what they want.
- I’m tired of women’s voices not being heard.
- I’m tired of women’s voices not being allowed to be heard.
- I’m tired of women complaining that their children are not calling or texting them enough.
- I’m tired of women tearing down other women on social media.
- I’m tired of women listening to the voice in her head that says she can’t do it and she’s worthless.
- I’m tired of women comparing themselves to other women and deciding they come up short.
- I’m tired of women that have to keep smiling when their anger threatens to spill out.
- I’m tired of women not asking for what they really want.
- I’m tired of women not taking action because the fear of doing something new threatens to overwhelm them.
- I’m tired of women not asking for help.
- I’m tired of women thinking that they have to do it all in order to have it all.
- I’m tired of women not spending money on themselves and feeling guilty when they do.
- I’m tired of women allowing uncertainty to rule their choices.
- I’m tired of women having to compete on an unfair playing field.
- I’m tired of women not telling their spouse what they want and then expecting their spouse to already know what they want.
- I’m tired of women being frustrated with how much they put into doing things for others and expecting the same amount of effort in return.
- I’m tired of women saying that they are lost and don’t know what to do.
- I’m tired of women being afraid of judgment so they stay stuck in place.
- I’m tired of women hiding their sadness behind a plastered on fake smile to appear strong and deny how unhappy they are.
- I’m tired of women saying their life has no purpose.
Can you identify with any of those?
So if you can identify with being tired with anything that I just talked about, come join me in taking over the world, even if it's just what you perceive is your tiny slice of the world. Here’s what I envision when we take over the world:
I want to empower women to go after their dreams and be bold and relentless in the pursuit of those dreams. I want to create a group of supportive women who will take what they learn from the group in order to improve, change, upgrade, enhance or even knock the whole thing down to start over, in order to change their beliefs of what is possible. And then once these women have figured out how to take over their slice of the world, I want for them to then help other women to achieve what they think is impossible.
Imagine the ripple effects and the support that other women would receive.
Imagine helping younger generations of women in high school and college by teaching them with our wisdom how to not make the same mistakes we did.
Imagine what would happen if you just said yes to your happiness.
Do you want to learn more about how midlife women are going to take over the world?
So if you want to learn more about how we will take over the world especially the weeks leading up to April 27th, go to The Next Step Society and join the waitlist to be one of the first to find out all the details.
And then after you join the waitlist, go join my Facebook group, Kids Are Grown, NOW WHAT? Community to meet other women who are just like you.
Oh, and you get to interact with me on a daily basis. “Booyah!” I will motivate the heck outta you until you can’t stands it no more.
I’ll see you in the group, Beautiful!