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Episode 74 – What Do I Want? Answer: Trust Yourself

What do I want?

Hey there Beautiful,

Fall has finally arrived and I’m so excited!

I love cooler weather. I love the fashion choices of comfy sweatshirts, sweaters, jeans, and boots. I love making hot chocolate and cinnamon popcorn.

And I especially love that all of the insects that have surprised me by popping up in the shower or running across the floor will no longer be around for the foreseeable future.

Oh and the spider webs will be gone! Yuck.

I don’t know if you have this problem but when I walk out to my car in the early morning to go to the gym I have to remember to put my arms up in a defensive gesture as I walk in between the cars on our driveway.

Why do I do that you ask?

Because sometime overnight, there is a spider or maybe it’s a spider and his friends that love to float from one car to the other, leaving a few spider webs connecting the two cars together. Then the next morning, I walk in between the cars and my face takes a direct hit with the spider webs like I’m hitting the tape that’s stretched across the finish line of a race.

But I sure as heck didn’t win anything except having the heebie-jeebies and have to hope that the spider did not decide it’d be more fun to come along on my shoulder for a ride to the gym. So yes, I’m so happy that it's fall!

Doors Now OPEN for the Live Your Purpose program!

Before I get into today’s episode I wanted to let you know that I’ve created a brand new program called, Live Your Purpose! 

Finding purpose is one of, if not the number one goal I hear from my clients. So I decided to do something about it and help more women to find connection, to feel empowered, to have confidence, and to have a clear direction for the ‘what’s next’ for them.

Live Your Purpose is an eight week group coaching program and to find out more information please go HERE. If you have any questions feel free to reach out to me and ask away!

What do you want?

Okay so today’s episode I want you to ask yourself this question: 

“What do I want?” 

“What do I want?”

The answer can be super easy, sometimes.

At times the answer to this question is easy. “What do I want?”

I want to eat lunch.

I want to take a nap.

I want to skip the gym.

I want to get a new job.

I want to change my eating habits.

I want to move and find a new city to live in.

I want to find an under eye concealer that doesn’t make me look even wrinklier than I do now.

There will be at least one reason that you can easily use to justify wanting those things.

I want to eat lunch because I’m hungry.

I want to take a nap because I woke up too many times last night due to hot flashes.

I want to skip the gym because my bed is warm and cozy.

I want to get a new job because my boss is horrible.

But other times, the answer can be difficult.

But at other times the question, “What do I want?” will stop us and then the heaviness that comes over our bodies of having to make a decision forces us to immediately say, “I don’t know.”

Maybe you really don’t know. It’s okay not to know, yet.

Or maybe you do know but saying it out loud is way too scary and makes it real.

It makes it alive.

It creates desire.

It makes us want more.

And then those darn 'shoulds' pop up outta nowhere!

We can make figuring out what we want hard by allowing the ‘shoulds’ to take over the conversation.

I want to take a nap but I should be folding the laundry.

I want to skip the gym but I really should go if I want to loose weight.

I want to get a new job but I should stay because I don’t know what else I would do instead.

I want to take a walk but I really should take the dog with me.

And the doubt, guilt, and what if's show up too!

We can also make figuring out what we want hard by allowing doubt, guilt, and what if’s to take over too.

I want to go back to school but I can’t spend the money.

I want to quit my job but what if no one else will hire me?

I don’t want to answer the phone when my mom calls because she emotionally drains me but I better answer or I'll never hear the end of it when she calls again later.

I want to start dating again but why would anyone want me?

Trust yourself. You'll find the answer.

But you can make answering, “What do I want?” easier by trusting yourself.

You are the only person that knows what you want.

Not what your spouse wants.

Not what your kids want.

Not what your friend wants.

Not what your mom wants.

You know what you want.

You probably know what your answer is but are waiting for someone else to give confirmation, “Yes that’s what you should do?” or give you the permission to go get what you want “You should totally go do that”.

It’s human nature to get consensus to get other people’s opinions to then justify and validate what you want.

And there’s nothing wrong with answering the question one way and then changing your mind 3 weeks from now or even four months from now.

There’s power in finding your own answers.

Your wants will change and that’s perfectly okay. At least you went after what you wanted, learned something new, and then was able to make a well informed decision that, no-ooo that’s not want you want anymore.

Be prepared for some people to not get what you want to do.

Also when we do finally come up with the answer to “What do I want?” just remember there will be people who will not understand what you want.

Expect and know that that will happen so when it does, it’s not a big surprise to you.

They will not know how to support you.

They will not follow up to see how you’re doing.

They will not care if you succeed but most likely will care if you fail with lots of I told you so’s.

If you keep answering, “What do I want?” with the same answer every time then you are on the right path. It feels good and you just know with every fiber of your being that no matter what, you did something that you really wanted.

I sought the permission from a friend to go after what I wanted and it didn't go exactly as expected.

This happened to me when I was exploring becoming a life coach.

I went out to dinner with one of my friends all excited about what I was going to tell her about my plans to become a life coach. It was a slam dunk and how could she not agree with my plans?

I was completely devastated when she told me that it wasn’t a good idea and I should do something else.

It stung and I licked my wounds for a few months and doubted myself and what I wanted to do that whole time.

But that nudge of my subconscious wouldn’t go away. I knew I had to try because the same answer to what I wanted never changed.

Here's another question to help you sort out what you want.

And here’s one more question to ask yourself to help you answer “What do I want?” especially if the answer has more weight to it, like leaving your current job, leaving your marriage, or cutting off communication with a family member.

Will I regret not doing what I want in a year from now? Or even 10 years from now?

When you answer the question, “What do I want?” what your answer is really and truly saying is, “I want more.”

And why shouldn’t you and every other woman want more?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more.

You’ve given more of yourself to others for years, your children, your spouse, your parents, your friends, and your job.

Isn't now the time that you want more for yourself?

Something new.

Something challenging.

Something exciting.

Something more.

I’ll talk to you later Beautiful!

If you do want some extra support from some amazing women be sure to join my free Facebook group, Kids Are Grown, NOW WHAT? There are questions that you have to answer in order to gain access to the group so be sure to answer the ones that are required.

Thanks for listening!

Share your thoughts with me or ask a question about this episode. Send an email.

I would love for you to leave an honest review over at iTunes/Apple Podcasts. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read every single one.

 

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Alice Agnello, Lifestyle and Success Coach

I'm Alice Agnello.

I’m a California raised, incurable romantic who was too snarky for the corporate world. I love show tunes, chai tea, and all things British. My mission? To help women rediscover who they are, after their kids have grown.

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I want the Guide!

Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!

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Before you go, get the Guide!

Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!