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Episode 72 – The Two Words No Man Should EVER Say To A Woman

The Two Words No Man Should EVER Say To A Woman - Alice Agnello

There are two words a man should never say to a women, especially when she's angry!

Hey there Beautiful,

There are two words that every man should know NEVER, EVER to say to a woman.

In my particular situation, the man in my life is my husband. I have had a few other men say these two words to me, including co-workers, a boss of mine, and my youngest son.

I quickly explained to my son why a man should never utter those two words and every once in awhile to make sure he was paying attention I will say to him, “What are the two words you never say to a woman?”

He sighs, rolls his eyes up to the sky and then tells me.

I usually don't hear women utter these two words together so that's why I blame it solely on men.

Yes, I am singling out men in this situation because I’ve never heard a woman utter these two words to another woman.

I don’t think a woman has ever said them to me but my memory is not what it once was.

Your brain starts its slow decline after you have kids. The process of your brain cells being slowly killed off as your intelligence is sucked away with trying to explain why using a bathroom every time you’re near a bathroom is a good idea when you travel, why they can’t keep playing XBox after 3 hours straight, and why it’s not a good idea to wear shorts on a day where the temperature will only rise to 33 degrees fahrenheit!

And to be honest, if a woman uttered these two words to me I have to say I might actually listen. I think I would depend on the situation.

I'm going to keep you in suspense for those two words men should never use with women just a bit longer to tell you a story.

I know, I know, I’m keeping you in suspense of what those two words are and I’ll let you know after I tell you a little story.

As many of you may already be aware, there are many deadlines when your child wants to apply to college. My youngest son’s deadlines included, regular decision deadline, the deadline to submit his high school transcript, the SAT and ACT test deadlines, and the deadline to submit his college application with his written essay.

For months, I had been helping my son stay on track with gentle reminders of when the next big deadline was due to especially his application with his essay.

The biggest hurdle for him, I knew, would be to write the essay. He hates to write and will always put off writing until the last minute.

It all started with my youngest son lying to me about his college entrance essay.

I would drop hints like, “Hey the deadline to submit the essay is about a month away? Have you started it? Maybe you should write a rough draft over the Christmas holiday and I could proofread it for you? If you need help brainstorming an idea just let me know.”

He would respond with, “I know, I know,” and slink off to his room.

Yes, he ultimately had to be the one to write and submit it and if he missed the deadline, he missed the deadline.

I was trying to avoid the last minute panic of writing on the day of the deadline because you know EXACTLY who he was going to come to for help.

Yeah, you guessed it, ME.

He wouldn’t go to my husband. My husband hates to write emails so do you think he’s going to want to help my son write a college entrance essay?

Ha!

I told my kids from when they were very young not to lie to me.

So my son did finally come to me to ask for help brainstorming for something to write about two days before the deadline.

Needless to say, I was pissed off.

Because my son had told me about a week prior that he was already working on the essay and asked if I could look over a rough draft when it was done.

From the time my children were little, I told them that lying was my number one don’t ever do to me rule. I explained that there would come a time when they would need me to be on their side and I wanted to be able to support them with 100% certainty.

I didn’t want a niggling doubt to surface in the back of my mind due to their lying behavior in their past that I couldn’t believe them in the future.

And what was funny is when my kids did lie to me because they of course tried to get out of whatever hot water they were in, I could read it on their faces in a heartbeat.

And the two words are . . .

As my anger built up in my body after my son had told me he hadn’t started his essay, I may have yelled a few things to get my point across. My son hung his head and repeatedly said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I told him I needed to not be around him for a bit and left his room.

My husband was in the kitchen and as I stomped towards him to tell him what our son had done, he raised his outstretched palms towards me and said, “Calm down.”

Just those two words stopped me in my tracks as I tried not to release the scream of anger threatening to erupt from the depths of my fury.

When a man utters those two words to me, my anger will immediately go through the roof!

Yes, ‘calm down’ are the two words a man SHOULD NEVER use with a woman.

I might not even be mad, just trying to talk through my frustration but as soon as a man says to me to “calm down” my blood will instantly boil and I’m ready to scream at the man to “GET OUT!”

I think men don't know what to do when a woman is upset, angry, or crying.

The only thing I can think of is men don’t like to see women upset.

Men just don’t know what to do.

And granted I’m sure we give off a TON of mixed signals since when we cry we might be crying because we’re sad but we also could be crying because we’re angry.

Listening to a woman talk over and over and over again about how her boss didn’t allow her to give her opinion during a meeting I’m sure can get quite annoying to that woman’s husband.

Should he try and offer to beat up her boss?

Should he tell her what she should do?

Should he just not say anything and watch the TV over her shoulder?

I get it.

Women like to talk about things until we’ve thoroughly discussed, dissected, and even come up with three different ways to analyze the words being said for their true meaning before we feel the situation can be put aside.

And maybe not even the true meaning but more like the secret meaning behind the words that were said. I know, we like to analyze things to death.

A woman just needs a man to listen and take an interest in what she's saying.

I’ve tried to explain to my husband that sometimes I just need to be angry and upset for a little while and then it will dissipate.

I will analyze to death what happened in my mind until I’m ready to tell myself, “Ok that’s enough. Now how are you going to fix the situation?”

I’ve also told my husband that when I’m angry, I just need to talk about it and I would appreciate it if he would listen, even if he’s already heard bits and pieces of the story.

Each one of us just wants the other person to listen to make us feel that we are being heard.

I want to feel supported.

I want him to sympathize with me.

I want him to agree with me that what that other person did was wrong and that my anger is justified.

I just need a cool down period to get my anger to dissipate.

So needless to say, after my husband uttered the words, ‘calm down,’ I may have gone ballistic on him, since my anger had to go somewhere right?

I even reminded him never to use those words around me since it just makes me even angrier.

I said if he wants me to ‘calm down’ all he has to do is listen to me rehash the situation, make the appropriate noises in response to what I’m saying, and then once I’m about done, he can ask to escape outside to the garage.

Like all arguments, I can’t remember exactly what was said but I do remember leaving the kitchen and going to our bedroom with the door firmly shut.

And after my anger was just in the "ticked off" category, I could then help my son.

I then fooled around on my phone until I felt that my anger had somewhat subsided.

I opened my bedroom door and my son immediately came out of his bedroom, asked for a hug, and apologized again. He also said that he started working on it and could I come and look over what he had written so far?

And for the rest of the night, he worked on his essay, I critiqued, he re-wrote, and finally an essay for his college application was uploaded to the colleges of his choice.

So have you heard those two words or any others that make you see red?

So I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW if you also have been confronted with those two little words, ‘calm down’ when that is the LAST thing you wanted to hear at that moment?

Are there any other phrases that drive you nuts?

I would love to know any and all of them.

Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram or send me an email at alice@aliceagnello.com.

If I receive enough of them, I will feature them on a future episode of the podcast.

In the meantime, I send to you love, strength, and the hope that you go out and buy some really good chocolate because chocolate makes every day just a bit brighter.

I’ll talk to you later Beautiful!

If you do want some extra support from some amazing women be sure to join my free Facebook group, Kids Are Grown, NOW WHAT? There are questions that you have to answer in order to gain access to the group so be sure to answer the ones that are required.

Thanks for listening!

Share your thoughts with me or ask a question about this episode. Send an email.

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Alice Agnello, Lifestyle and Success Coach

I'm Alice Agnello.

I’m a California raised, incurable romantic who was too snarky for the corporate world. I love show tunes, chai tea, and all things British. My mission? To help women rediscover who they are, after their kids have grown.

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The guide will help you:

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→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

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Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!