The words you use to describe yourself are powerful.
Hey there Beautiful!
What words would you use to explain your life right now?
This might be a bit harder than I originally had planned for this episode since many of us are still in lockdown, social distancing, mask wearing, extra people in the house, kind-of-life with coronavirus front and center.
The words that I am going to tell you about are ones that I have gathered when women have come to me with feelings of being lost and uncertain as to where to go next.
But they might also apply to you right now to explain your life since all of our lives have changed in little and large ways.
These words, and a few phrases, are from women realizing that their lives changed the moment their children began to be independent beings and didn’t need them in the same way their children once did.
The words and a few phrases include:
Hard to find myself
Too much extra time
They moved on without me
Feeling less than
I sacrificed so much but got nothing in return.
That last one, when I read it, really got to me.
All I wanted to do was reach out to her and give her a hug. But then in a very nice way I would tell her to “SNAP OUT OF IT!!!”
And of course follow it up with a challenging and lengthy discussion about all the beliefs that are holding her back from her full potential.
Also I would reassure her, if that is truly what happened, it doesn’t mean that will exist in every relationship she has in the future.
Words have a power to create the reality around you.
The words you use matter.
Words have a power to create the reality around you.
If you believe all the negative words and thoughts running through your head, you will look for the proof in every situation in order to prove you were right. If you feel abandoned, every time one of your kids cancels the dinner plans to come over to your house, you will chalk it up to them abandoning you ONCE AGAIN.
If you feel rejected, every time you ask a friend or especially someone who is new to you, out to meet for coffee, if that person says, “No I can’t today,” you will immediately think, “Yep no one wants to be with me. I must suck!”
You need to be aware and reduce the negative thoughts and images that you’re creating in your mind.
You have power with the words you use towards your family.
There was a phrase that I promised I would NEVER say to my children because I knew how powerful the devastation would be to them. The words were, “I’m disappointed in you.” Being mad, frustrated, exhausted, or not even having the right words to say at the time was better than saying that I was disappointed in them.
There's one sentence that will stop my mom dead in her tracks. And I will never use it.
Here’s another powerful word combination that I also will never use.
My mom told me to tell her IF she ever acted like her mother I was to say, “You’re being just like grandma.”
She said if I told her that she would stop doing whatever it was that reminded me of grandma immediately.
I’ve already decided I will NEVER say those words to my mom EVEN IF she is acting like her own mother.
Those words have a power that I NEVER want to unleash.
I feel that if I did, it would change our relationship irrevocably.
My grandmother was very frugal. That’s the nice way of putting it. She was cheap. Now I know her family experienced the Great Depression so her upbringing was hard and very different from mine.
Now there’s cheap, and then there’s cheap that impacts your way of life due to stubbornness. I remember my mom trying to buy my grandmother a new toaster for $20 because her old one had broken.
Oh my God you would have thought my mom was trying to take out a second mortgage on my grandmother’s home to then go take the money and place a bet at the roulette tables for the hullabalou it stirred up. Let it all ride on black!
Do you have a phrase that you know pushes someone's buttons?
I’m sure you do so you understand the power that words have over others.
It also means that words have a power over you and how you view your life.
You have to be aware of how your internal “nasty girl” is pulling no punches and telling you how horrible your life is. But is it really 100% undeniably true 100% of the time.
If there is even just .0001% that it’s untrue, then you need to figure out why you believe in those words and figure out new, positive ones to reframe every situation.
Take a week and be aware of the words you use in your mind describing yourself: your hair, your clothing, your weight, etc.
So make a list!
Today’s assignment is to listen to the words that you use to describe how you’re feeling this entire week.
Write them down on a piece of paper or open up a note taking app on your phone and type them up there. That way you have no excuse to not remember them when you're out social distancing with your mask on as you grocery shop, as you return to work, or as you sit in your car in the driveway to get some alone time from the extra chaos created with those people called your family that are in your house and NEVER STOP EATING!
There are better words to use. You have to do the work to find them.
Here are some words and phrases that women used after working with me to describe how they were feeling after they figured out their new purpose in life:
Freedom to frame my choices and behaviors
Live in the moment
Finally having the time to find myself
No one can guilt trip me except me
Excitement for the future
Engaged with life
Having it all
I’ll talk to you later, Beautiful!