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Episode 41 – The One Thing That Made Me Decide To Stop Playing Small

The One Thing That Made Me Decide To Stop Playing Small

How I tackled my fear and decided to be brave.

Hey there, Beautiful!

Today I’m back with a solo episode. I feel like I haven’t done this in awhile but to you it probably just seems normal. I did a bunch of interviews in November and December of last year which will be released over the next few months.

So to me it feels like I haven’t talked to you one on one in a while and I wanted to get back to that. I took some time over the holidays and into January to really plan out what I wanted to do this year. I realized that I didn’t do that last year and it made me feel like I was in a constant state of chaos. I don’t like feeling like that.

I’m a planner to the core of my being so when I didn’t have a plan last year, it made me extremely anxious. I felt unsettled and in a constant state of catch up.

I also realized that by not planning I was using that as the excuse to procrastinate.

And procrastination is just fear allowing you to avoid something that you perceive is going to be hard, difficult, or so scary that you’re paralyzed in one place.

Your heart is telling you that it’s going to be fine but your brain is logically telling you to not move since if you do, it could hurt. Your brain wants to keep you safe.

So because of being frozen in procrastination, I wasted probably six months just going through the motions.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of what I did accomplish in the last six months but I feel like I could have been better. I was hiding parts of me that as I become more comfortable will eventually be explained in the hope that it will help you. As I’ve said before, I feel like I’ve been biting my tongue for the past twenty years and I have so much more to say in order to help you achieve your wildest dreams and be happy.

We always want happiness and are confused when we finally have it.

That’s all I really want for you is to be happy. It’s such a tiny little word, happy. But it’s loaded with guilt, wonder, bliss, uncertainty, joy, and jealousy. We always want happiness and are confused when we finally have it. Because for some of us, we haven’t been happy in a long time so we don’t know how it feels once we do have it.

And most importantly, once we do have it, you have to remember to keep choosing happiness as your way of being and don’t let anyone take it away from you.

So how did I decide to be brave and listen to my heart?

Now you may be asking, “So how’d you do it? What made you decide to finally listen to your heart and make your brain shut up?”

I decided to ignore fear.

Yes it was that simple for me. I’m not sure if I’m going to describe this correctly but I will give it my best shot. I was doing A LOT of reading. I was reading books non-stop to avoid doing things that would move me and my business forward. Every spare moment I was reading book after book after book. They were books that were easy to read and required no deep thinking.

Oh this author has a series of 5 books? Count me in to read them all.

Well somewhere in all this reading I was doing I stumbled across a quote. I read it once, stopped, and then read it again. I sat there for a minute letting my brain and heart tangle together until they both agreed that I needed to do something. I got up, immediately went to my computer, typed out the words so they would fit on an 8.5 by 11 inch piece of paper, printed it out, and hung it right next to my desk. I’m staring at it right now. I’ll take a photo of it and have it in the show notes plus put it out on social media. 

What’s funny is that it took me probably 20 minutes to finally find the right fonts that I wanted to use. You know me and fonts, a match made in heaven when I find the right one to use. Even now as I stare at the quote I’m still not sure if the font is right.

But my other motto this year is, “Done is better than perfect.” So I’m leaving the paper alone, hanging on the wall, and not trying to open up the file to waste another 20 minutes of my valuable time trying out fonts to find a better one.

"You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs."

Okay sorry you’re probably saying, “Enough already just tell me the flippin quote!” The quote is by Katherine Center, a writer whose books I now want to read but won’t for a while since reading became my excuse to not do things.

The quote said, “You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.”

So simple yet powerful.

When I Googled the quote to ensure that it was really by Katherine Center, I actually came across the entire quote which really made me pause and think, “Yeah that’s even more powerful.”

The whole quote is:

“Sometimes you'll wonder if you've forgotten who you are. But you must remember this: What you're doing matters. And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs. The truth is, being a woman is a gift.”

So it’s really that simple for me.

I’m going to be brave with my life so that other women can be brave with theirs.

I’m going to stop hiding and show up to help you as much as I can. Yes I’m still going to have respectful boundaries in place because if I over-give to you then that means I’m not giving enough to myself.

That quote made me think in a different way and really look at how I was doing things and using procrastination as my shield to not be brave. I realized that because I wasn’t using my strength of planning it was hindering me in my progress to move forward.

And now, because I took the time to plan, I feel so much better. I feel like my head is screwed on tight and I’m ready to do anything! By deciding to be brave and focus on one thing until it’s completion, I achieved more since I ignored all the distractions.

I said no to a few things around my house which has not made me popular with my husband. But you know what? I don’t care. By taking the time to plan I feel empowered and ready to tackle anything.

Now with that being said, I’ve planned it all out BUT that doesn’t mean I can see every single step.

 And this is really where I stare at the quote on the wall above my desk and remind myself to be brave.

It’s like the scene in the movie, “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.” The scene is towards the end of the movie when Indy, his dad, and the bad guys are in the chamber trying to get to the Holy Grail. Indy has to cross a huge chasm in order to save his dad and the only clue that he has is that he has to have a leap of faith. He can see the opening in the rock face on the other side but knows there’s no way he can leap all the way across the chasm. So he decides to take one step and amazingly his foot connects with a rock bridge that blends in perfectly with the rest of the rocks. He had to take a leap of faith and hope that he would make it.

And that’s what I’m doing. I’m taking a leap of faith. And you know what, it feels friggin’ awesome! And terrifying, and exciting, and, and and all of it that goes with doing something for the first exhilarating time.

So in my effort to be even braver, I’m going to share with you what my plans are for the next few months and I hope that you will come along with me because it’s going to be SO MUCH FUN!!!

Here's what you have to look forward to this year.

First thing I did was launch my Facebook group a few weeks ago. I am personally inviting you to join the group.

I want women who are ready to do something to shake up their lives even if it’s just taking the first step outside their comfort zone and join the community. I’m going to motivate the heck out of you and challenge you to become a better version of the person you are.

If you are tired of doing the same things and getting the same results, then join the group.

If you are tired of the people around you telling you to get a life for yourself, then join the group.

And if you are tired of feeling stuck, or that somewhere along the way you lost who you were, then join the group. Go to my Facebook page and click on the Join Group button at the top of the page.

Answer the three questions and join. Yes you have to answer the three questions. Why? Because I said so. It’s my party so my rules.

And I’m committing to doing Facebook Lives in order to connect with you even more and answer questions that you might have. Facebook Lives have been a huge roadblock for me because of some deep fear of being judged harshly.

I think it harks back to being teased a lot when I was a kid and the feeling of always being wrong or not fitting in, no matter what I did. But I’m going to be brave and do them anyways.

But seriously, I would love for you to join the community even if you just want to be a lurker in order to watch, read, and listen to what myself and other women have to say. It’s the feeling of not being alone with whatever you’re struggling with that will help you move forward.

The Next Step Society's membership doors open April 27, 2020.

The big thing I finally decided to do is launch my monthly coaching membership for women. It’s called The Next Step Society and will be officially open April 27th.

Write that date down, April 27th!

Over the next few months you will learn more about it. The Next Step Society is for women who want to improve upon their lives and truly move forward after their kids have grown up and are now left with the question of, “What’s next?”  Whether your kids have been out of the house for a number of years or you’re right in the middle of some kids out and some kids still at home or even kids who left and then came back, wherever you are, if you are still struggling to find out who you want to be now that being a mom is not the number one priority in your life, this will be for you.

If you want to be on the VIP waitlist and find out first about all the details, go HERE and sign up!

Now you might be wondering why I’m telling you all this?

 The main reason is to keep me accountable.

It’s a selfish reason really.

When I say I want to do something, if I make it harder for myself to back out like telling you what I’m about to do, then I know that I’m going to do it.

But I’m also telling you because I see the Facebook posts of women so lost, no sense of direction, and so stuck in fear that it’s hard to get up and out of bed to face another day of bleak nothingness.

That’s her life.

That’s her perception of what her life is going to be like forever. And I want so very much to change it for her. I want to shake her and show her a new way of thinking so that another 6 months don’t pass her by in a fog of sadness.

Because doing nothing is safe.

Doing nothing will be comfortable.

There’s too many what ifs that are swirling around in her head preventing her from making a decision.

But guess what?

By not making a decision to move in ANY direction is actually making a decision.

You’re automatically making the decision to say no to something better.

Saying no to excitement.

Saying no to being different.

Saying no to getting messy and trying new things.

You’re saying no to happiness.

“You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.”

I’ll talk to you later Beautiful!

Did you miss last week's episode about what every mom needs to know about being an empty nester? Well what are you waiting for? Click here to listen to it!

Thanks for listening!

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Alice Agnello, Lifestyle and Success Coach

I'm Alice Agnello.

I’m a California raised, incurable romantic who was too snarky for the corporate world. I love show tunes, chai tea, and all things British. My mission? To help women rediscover who they are, after their kids have grown.

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I want the Guide!

Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!

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Before you go, get the Guide!

Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!