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Episode 52 – The Key To Happiness Is Being Selfish

The Key To Happiness Is Being Selfish

Being selfish in midlife can bring happiness.

Hey there Beautiful!

Today is the DAY!

Today is the first day of the free workshop, 5 Days To Get Unstuck, Move Forward, & Find Yourself Again!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

In case you haven’t joined yet, you can still sign up HERE. Each day a new video will be released to help get you unstuck and moving forward to find yourself again. There will also be a PDF that you can download to help take notes, get you thinking, and start taking action.

You would also need to join the Facebook group, Kids Are Grown, NOW WHAT? Community so you can share your thoughts and help other women in the workshop get clarity on the what’s next for them too.

I will of course be there in the community in order to motivate the heck out of you and encourage you to think differently and get unstuck.

The "One More Thing" phenomenon will crush you IF you allow it.

Today I have a question for you:  Have you ever felt so anxious, defeated, and stressed from “One More Thing” being piled on your plate?

I call it the “One More Thing” phenomenon.

Let me explain.

It’s when you can’t possibly take on “One More Thing”, but then, here comes another thing being thrown at you that you have to take care of and then another thing piles on top of that and then another thing on top of that. I know you get the picture.

You stand in your kitchen and see that your house hasn’t been cleaned in over two weeks, your spouse is telling you his work truck got hit by someone backing out of their driveway, the dog just threw up her breakfast (luckily on the sunroom tile floor) so that has to be cleaned up before going to work, your son staggers out from his late night playing Xbox and announces that he’s thinking about not going back to school in the fall.

Oh, did I mention that you have over 112 unread emails, your mother is texting you to pick up a few things if you're going to the grocery store, and you’re running late for work.

This is an example of the “One More Thing” phenomenon which many of us deal with throughout the week.

Some things are out of your control but they still have to be cleaned up!

Now this example of the “One More Thing” phenomenon includes many things that are out of your control and sooner or later you will have to deal with at some point.

You didn’t want to deal with the insurance company for your husband’s truck and you certainly didn’t want to be the one to clean up the dog’s throw up. But that’s what you’re good at, cleaning up other people’s messes.

But there are times when the “One More Thing” phenomenon has been created through choices and decisions that you have made which you did have control over.

Today, I’m telling you that you have to stop doing that and be selfish.

You have to be selfish with your decisions, your time, your energy, your thoughts, your feelings, your health, and your overall well-being.

If you’re like me, you have to learn to be selfish in order to increase your happiness and to be proud of who you are and what you’re doing with your life!

If you’re like me, you create the “One More Thing” phenomenon in your life as the kids grew up and took up all of your time. And now that the kids have grown up, you’re left with uncertainty on how to be selfish to achieve your happiness.

You have to put yourself first and be selfish.

Well, I’m going to tell you how to reduce that uncertainty.

You have to stop making the choice to put everyone else’s needs, requests, demands before yours and always say yes when you should sometimes say no.

You have to put yourself first, which I know is hard to do when you’ve been putting your children before yourself for over twenty years.

It's hard.

When everything in your life is safe and warm like your favorite pair of fuzzy slippers, it becomes routine and you don’t have to think about how it all works together. It just works. You just do what needs to be done.

You’ve been at the job of mom for a number of years so it’s not as challenging as it was in the beginning. And then one day you come to the realization that your job is not needed as much.

Make the decision to be selfish.

You keep saying yes to feel needed and over-give to others because that’s what you think you should do to fill up the empty space inside.

Make the decision to be selfish.

Stop taking care of everyone else first.

I know you. You’re going above and beyond you overachiever!

You’re getting frustrated that your efforts are not being recognized.

If they aren't appreciative, be selfish.

You keep giving but no one seems to appreciate what you’re doing. Shouldn’t they be appreciative?

In a “real job” you would get a raise, more paid time off, and additional perks for all of your hard work. Instead you get all of your work done but still feel empty at the end of the day.

You wallow in self pity instead of being selfish and taking over your life again.

You’ve overruled what you’ve wanted for years now is your chance to fix it.

When something's new, you will say to everything. But when it wears off, you learn to say no.

It’s like when you start a new job. You will say yes to EVERYTHING.

You want to be liked.

You want to be the overachiever and show your co-workers that you can do the job.

You want to impress your boss and make him look good for hiring you.

But as you gain more experience and confidence in the job, you realize that all the late hours, extra projects, and the piling on of more and more responsibilities that you didn’t ask for but still said yes to, you begin to ask yourself, “Is this what I want?”

Tell those you love what you want to do and that there might be some changes as you are being selfish.

Earlier this year I explained to my husband that I was going to take more time to concentrate on building up my business. I wanted to communicate what I wanted to do with my life as well as make him understand how things might change.

For instance, I said that I wasn’t going to clean the house on the weekends and asked that he do it. I wouldn’t sit with him after he got home and watch Netflix since I would be working in the back bedroom on my business. I was going to set up a schedule and really try and stick to it and asked for his help to get me to stick to it.

Hope that they will support you but don't get discouraged if they don't understand.

I don’t think he really truly understood how that would affect him until he ran a finger over some shelves in our entryway and said, “Wow it’s really dusty.” I looked at him with a smile and said, “Well the Swiffer is in the hall closet or you could get our son to do it?”

I’ve been lucky to be able to have his help so don’t get me wrong.

He still sighs loudly when I tell him I’m going to go work at 6:30 PM and he is horrible about encouraging me to stick to my schedule, “What’s one day, just blow it off?” he says.

Bruuu-ther.

For the most part, he’s been great and I truly am appreciative that I was able to have conversations about being more selfish with my time. He listened and continues to be supportive.

Being selfish doesn't mean being harmful to others in your quest to retake your life.

Now let me be clear, when I say that the key to your happiness is being selfish.

Obviously, I don’t mean that you be selfish to the point of detriment to others, such as spending all of the money that’s to be used to pay the monthly mortgage or rent on a new wardrobe for yourself. Or parking in the handicap spot in the parking lot just because you feel like it.

Hopefully, you understand my meaning. Be selfish but don’t be mean or vindictive.

How can you tame the "One More Thing" phenomenon?

When you decide to take on “One More Thing” phenomenon, I want you to ask the following questions in order to be a bit more selfish:

  • Do I have the time to do this?
  • Do I want to do this?
  • Will this negatively impact my life that I’m trying to create?
  • Will this help me achieve what I want?
  • Will this bring me happiness?

Saying no is okay when being selfish.

Saying no is okay.

Let me say that again.

Saying no is okay.

Sometimes it's the right thing to do even if you can’t immediately see the outcome.

You’re afraid that if you say no people may not like you.

It will be hard at first because people in your life may be so unused to you saying no that they might retaliate in anger since they’re confused.

Saying no to one thing means that you’re saying yes to something else.

You’re saying that your health and sanity are the most important things to take care of in your life.

I'm being selfish when I don't answer my phone or text messages right away. We all had a life BEFORE cell phones by they way.

I don’t always answer the phone or text messages right away if doing so will stop what I’m in the middle of.

There was a time before technology and I remember it!

Less interruptions in order to think things all the way through.

Stop switching between doing multiple tasks and focus on the one right in front of you.

We’ve gotten away from just focusing and thinking.

Just watch people waiting, at the doctor’s office, in line at the grocery store, or waiting for a plane to take off. EVERYONE’s on their phones to distract them from what is happening around them.

Try this the next time you are waiting. Don’t reach for your phone and just sit there and think. I’ve done it and the impulse was so strong to pick up my phone from my purse that I had to hold my hands together in my lap to keep them from reaching for my phone.

So what are some benefits to being selfish?

You will eventually begin to feel lighter and it will get easier to say no.

You begin to more fully realize how important YOU are to your life as well as those you care about.

If you’re unhappy, most likely the people around you have noticed, and if they haven’t, they will notice when you start changing the way you’ve been acting for a period of time.

Saying yes to what you want will be scary since change is uncomfortable.

Many times we don’t like to make any changes since even if we don’t like where we are, it’s familiar and safe which then makes us want to stay right where we are.

Be selfish to be happy.

How could you be a bit more selfish in your life to move towards your happiness?

What could you remove from your “One More Thing” list of items you created to feel lighter?

What is a tiny change that you could make to give yourself some space to breathe?

I know you can do this.

Just by you taking a small action can have an enormous impact on your life!

Be kind to yourself.

Have you signed up for the FREE 5 day workshop yet?

And last thing, remember to sign up for the FREE workshop, 5 Days To Get Unstuck, Move Forward & Find Yourself Again. You can still sign up HERE. It starts today so don’t be too fashionably late to this party. Joining would be a good, selfish thing to do.

I’ll talk to you later Beautiful!

Thanks for listening!

Share your thoughts with me or ask a question about this episode. Send an email.

I would love for you to leave an honest review over at iTunes/Apple Podcasts. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read every single one.

 

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Alice Agnello, Lifestyle and Success Coach

I'm Alice Agnello.

I’m a California raised, incurable romantic who was too snarky for the corporate world. I love show tunes, chai tea, and all things British. My mission? To help women rediscover who they are, after their kids have grown.

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I want the Guide!

Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!

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Before you go, get the Guide!

Download the FREE guide to 5 Things You Can Do This Week To Help Find Yourself. You are ready to take this next step now that the kids have grown.

The guide will help you:

→  Work on your mindset so you can recognize negative thoughts and work to quiet them.

→  Help figure out what’s bothering you and know it’s okay to go at your own pace.

→ Understand that taking care of yourself is the most important person in your life and to release the guilt.

Sign up to receive my whitty newsletters, tips & tricks, promotions, & other emails, & receive this free guide!