I STILL don't have my husband figured out!
Hey there Beautiful,
If you haven’t noticed by now, I usually only interview women for the podcast.
It’s not a conscious choice that I make. It’s usually due to other women reaching out to me and then it clicks that I should have her on the podcast.
So when a man reached out wanting to have me on his podcast, I was intrigued.
After talking to today’s guest, Louis Morris, I knew I had to have him on my show.
I also came up with this crazy idea to have Louis spill some secrets that midlife women should know about men but for some odd reason, we still don’t.
In addition to the 5 tips Louis will talk about, you will also learn in this episode:
- How men think they are good at reading women but they’re not.
- Why you should phrase things in the form of a question.
- Why repetition is NOT bad when dealing with men.
- Why some men don’t like blunt statements from their spouses but other men do.
- Why men are more visual than women.
- And Louis’ Cuddle Test – Just listen to find out more!
So who is Louis Morris?
Louis is a Relationship Coach for women who desire authentic intimacy and communication that a healthy union dictates. He’s also a Spiritual Coach for anyone looking to establish or enhance their connection with the Creator and host of The Heart Matters Podcast.
His journey to coaching began when I was 13 years old. People in his neighborhood would come to him sharing their problems and asking for his advice.
People in his neighborhood would come to him sharing their problems and asking for his advice.
Being the only boy raised with 4 sisters and a very spiritual mother, he has a unique view of male and female relationships. His mission, through his podcast, his relationship books, and his life coaching is to help people improve their spiritual lives and strengthen their relationships so they can realize their dreams.
And if you want to know more about Louis, all the ways you can contact him are below.
I’ll talk to you later, Beautiful!
Links mentioned in this episode and to contact Louis:
Alice Agnello: Hey, Louis. Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today.
Louis Morris: You're welcome. It's good to be here, Alice. Thank you.
Alice Agnello: And so tell my audience who you are and what you do.
Louis Morris: Okay. My name is Louis Morris. I'm originally from Newark New Jersey. I'm here in Beckley, West Virginia now, which is much quieter. I am a relationship and spiritual life coach for women, and I also host the Heart Matters podcast, which is a self-improvement relationships slash like that. That's what we deal with, I have on all kinds of people, writers and actresses like this. So this is basically who I am in the present.
Alice Agnello: Okay. I like the way you said that because, yeah, you're right. I could definitely answer that question differently depending on what era, age or the mood that I'm in a particular day, if I'm feeling snorky.
Louis Morris: Exactly.
Alice Agnello: So Louis is going to help me and the rest of us understand five things and tips we should know about men, but maybe we still haven't figured it out by now. And what's interesting is that Louis and I connected and when we were chatting, it was funny.
I learned something new on one of his podcast episodes, but we'll get into that later because he made me see things in a new light, even with my own husband, and how I was interpreting things from a certain perspective, meaning my perspective. So Louis, what would be a good first tip to start with today?
Louis Morris: Okay. First tip is the woman ... And I talked about this recently in a recent post, that women should be clear about what they want, either whether you're dating or in a long-term relationship. Always put, for a lack of a better term, always put your cards on the table.
Now, that could be misinterpreted, because some people may interpret that as being belligerent or being mean the way you convey your message. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is just letting the man know what it is that you need and what it is ... Because men don't, we don't read body language very well.
Alice Agnello: And women, we expect you to, you are supposed to read our minds. You should know what I want for my birthday. We've been married for 20 years. Really? You haven't gotten it by now, what you're supposed to be doing? And then we act so surprised when you totally failed. It's like I set you up because I have all these expectations in my head, and I also think it has to do with, we grew up with the idea that prince charming should be psychic.
They should know that for my birthday, I want to be whisked away to my favorite restaurant and I want this and I want this, and I want this. There should be romance and magic. And yet we don't tell them what we want to do, or it takes away the surprise of a birthday gift. Let's just put something like that. So what you were saying is to be clear. So when I'm talking to my husband, do I need to like pick a particular time or a day, or what else should I know to be clear?
Louis Morris: Okay. Well, of course it takes a certain level of self-awareness, but that's for both people. You might not want to bring up something while he's watching the football game. If he likes football, you know what I'm saying? You might not want to do that then, you might want to wait, you know what I'm saying? Until after the game or maybe during the commercial.
You might want to bring it up, but not like during the football game. So it takes a level of self-awareness, to deal with that. But what I'm saying is just that, men we're not great at reading women as ... Some men think they are. Yeah some men really think that they are, but really we're not really good at it.
So if you see you're not getting the response that you're looking for, then just put your cards on the table. Say, "Look, honey, I was thinking about this, what do you think about that?" You know what I'm saying? And it's always good to put it in the form of a question, because we like that. We're being involved in the decision, you know what I'm saying? That may not be the case, but the appearance is that she's involving me in the decision, she hasn't already made it for me.
Alice Agnello: So like in the instance of my birthday and getting me something for my birthday, let's say. Should I ask and say, "Do you need some help or hints with what I would like to do on my birthday?" Instead of saying, "This is what I want to do."
Louis Morris: No. Let's say you want to go to a particular restaurant, like you said, right? And your birthday's coming up. So, you and him are in the kitchen, you washing dishes together or whatever. And you say, "Honey do you remember that restaurant that we went to before?" Or, "You know that restaurant is down on sixth street?" Yeah. "I heard that they serve really great steak there." Say, "Have you been there?"
Just like that, crosstalk bring it up subtly first. You know what I'm saying? And then, maybe it will click to him. "Okay, well she wants to go there." You know what I'm saying? So you don't have to be overt with it initially, but just bring it up in conversation. Yeah. "I heard that this restaurant is really great and they're really personable, the people that are there, have you ever been there? What did you think about this like that?"
Alice Agnello: Okay. Okay. And do you think it's better to bring it up a few times? Does that help in the process? Right.
Louis Morris: Repetition is not bad. Repetition is not a bad thing, especially with men, because we tend to forget very quickly especially about passing conversations, because what we just described is just like a passing, just some banter that you and your husband are going through. So we tend to forget those things kind of quickly.
But if you bring it back up again, it might start to click that you really want to go to this particular restaurant on your birthday. But if he doesn't get it, right, you might choose to just say to him, "Look honey, I really want to go to this restaurant on my birthday. I read some great things about it, and I would really like it if you'd take me there." Now that may be your initial approach. You know what I'm saying?
Again, it's all about self-awareness knowledge of your spouse. You know what I'm saying? What he can handle, what he can't. Because sometimes men, we have some very crazy sensitivities. Where we don't like blunt statements from our significant other. But then there are other men, they like that they like to know what their wife likes.
So if you know that about him, then you just come out and say, "Look, honey, my birthday is coming up. I would like to go to such and such restaurant on that night. Do you think that you can get a reservation for that night?" Like that. It just depends. It depends on the situation. You know what I mean?
Alice Agnello: Yeah. And what you said, to be clear in your communication. I mean, that is the ultimate goal in a situation with your spouse, significant other or just in life in general? No one's a mind reader, and if you don't communicate what you want, you're the only one who's going to be disappointed in that scenario.
Louis Morris: Exactly.
Alice Agnello: All right. So what would be tip number two?
Louis Morris: Now, this is more of a dating tip, but it can be used for husband and wife. You have to allow the man to chase you a little bit. Just a little bit. Look, now, even after you've been married for a while, right? You've been married for maybe ... How long you've been married?
Alice Agnello: We're over 25, this year.
Louis Morris: Okay. All right. Now, this is a tip that women might try who've been married for a while. Do something different with your hair. Do something, just don't mention it to him. Just go get your hair done in a different way that you've never had it done. Don't get it all shaved off, I'm not talking about that. Don't do anything drastic like that. I'm saying, just do something different with your hair that he hasn't seen before. You see? So this is where, and once you do that, you may start to notice that even after 25 years, he's starting to chase you again.
Alice Agnello: And that could go for my hair or my makeup or changing some short scene things.
Louis Morris: Just a different appearance, appearance that he hasn't seen before, or that he hasn't seen in a while.
Alice Agnello: Especially if that makes you feel good. You know what I mean?Because I feel women now we've kind of at this stage, we're trying to reinvent ourselves a little bit. And maybe we've gotten a little slack in certain areas and trying to figure out, "Do I want to work out? Do I need to change my hair, my clothing?" And we always say that, "Oh, I'll go get a new workout clothes once I've lost the 10 pounds."
And I'm trying to tell women, you are worthy to get those pants now and they will make you feel better too. So to what you're saying is, as I'm kind of reinventing myself and changing, it actually will help kind of my husband move along and see me in a new light and chase me as you just said.
Louis Morris: Yes. And that does a lot of things for a relationship. We won't get into particular, but it does. It does a lot of things for relationships. So what tip? We are on three, right?
Alice Agnello: Now. We're on three. Yes.
Louis Morris: Let's move to three. Okay. The third tip is, you have to teach him new things. You have to. If he is not the type of, if he's gotten into a routine, as far as how you and him deal with each other on a daily basis, then you have to start teaching him new things. I think I did a podcast about this recently, about how to teach a man. Right?
You have to start doing that. So if you want him to communicate better, right and be more open and vulnerable with you, you have to initiate that. Just start telling him things that is close to your heart. Things that you've been ... I'm not talking about the kids or anything like that, I'm talking about your connection with him.
You know what I'm saying? Start talking to him about your connection with him, how you want it to improve, where you want it, what you want it to look like, going forward like that. And then he'd feel more comfortable doing that with you? You know what I'm saying? But you're teaching him by example.
Alice Agnello: Right.
Louis Morris: You see?
Alice Agnello: Yeah now because I've been trying to get my husband to work out, and someone else I was just talking to, she had said, you just can't bring them along with you, meaning that you can't force them to do it. You have to go and do it the way you want to. And maybe eventually he'll kind of come along with you or not. But it's like, I'm in the midst of teaching myself new things. I'm hoping that then it'll get him to spark a new thing for him to do as well.
Louis Morris: Did you say something to him?
Alice Agnello: Oh yeah. About working out, yeah. And I've said, "Look, if you don't want to come with me, that's fine. I'm just, you can come with me, you can go at your own time, however you want to do it." Because it just makes me more frustrated that he's not wanting to do it. So I have to take myself out of the equation. I've communicated what I want, and if he comes great and if he doesn't it and I have to be okay with that.
Louis Morris: Let me ask you this. What are you wearing when you go to workout?
Alice Agnello: Workout pants. I mean, not spandex, but workout pants and tank tops. Things like that.
Louis Morris: Okay. Understand something. We are more visual than you are. They've done studies on this. Princeton, Harvard, like this. They get men and women in the room. Right? And they give them pictures. The women get pictures of men. The men get pictures of women, and they monitor the brainwaves, and the findings are clear.
This is just the way we were created. Men are about more visual attraction than women are. It's just the way we are, we're wired that way. So the reason that I asked you what you're wearing, when you go to work out, that could conjure him to join you.
Alice Agnello: I got you. I got you. Yeah.
Louis Morris: You know what I'm saying? If you're wearing things where you're showing parts of yourself that ...
Alice Agnello: I know I'm laughing ... crosstalk I'm laughing because I was just looking at new workout wear, and that's why I was like, "Nah, I don't know about that, it might be a little too revealing." And then I'm like, "Now, what I'm hearing. No. I should, because then maybe he'll come."
Louis Morris: No, but it's not for the people at the gym, it's for him.
Alice Agnello: That's what I mean. Exactly.
Louis Morris: You're trying to get him to come work out.
Alice Agnello: Exactly.
Louis Morris: Okay. So his wife who has this new hairdo and these new sexy gym clothes, she's going to work out and he's not there. It could ... You come in one day, you've got your new outfit on and your hair is like, you say, "You're sure you don't want to? "
Alice Agnello: Yes, yes, no.
Louis Morris: You sure you don't want to, because am getting ready?
Alice Agnello: Exactly. No, I completely understand what you're saying.
Louis Morris: What I'm saying is that because sometimes we can be a little rigid when we take a position.
Alice Agnello: Right? Yes.
Louis Morris: So we need a little rubbing. You know what I'm saying? Like that in order to see, "This might be beneficial for us. This might be a good thing." So in order to get him to see that point of view, you get him to see, you know what I'm saying?
Alice Agnello: Now I understand.
Louis Morris: You understand?
Alice Agnello: That makes sense.
Louis Morris: So how many was that so far?
Alice Agnello: We're on number four now.
Louis Morris: We're on four. Okay. Fourth tip. Men love to have fun with their significant other. I don't mean where you're going to bars and nightclubs. Some men like that, some men like that. You know what I'm saying? But what I'm talking about, of course, if you want to do that from time to time, that's fine.
What I'm saying is just that, men like to have fun with their significant other. So just come up with things that are fun sometimes. You know what I'm saying? That maybe you haven't done in a while. Maybe you want to go play some miniature golf, something like that. Miniature golf is fun. You know what I'm saying? So just say, "Let's go out play some miniature golf, and just have fun."
Because sometimes if you've been in a relationship for a long time, things start to get stale. You fall into a bit of a rut where you're just talking about bills and work and what we're going to have for dinner. You got to break that, you got to break that up. You know what I'm saying? Where you're not talking about the same things that, "Oh baby, did you watch the news, did you see what happened over there?" It gets a little boring. You know what I'm saying? So just start implementing some fun things because men like to have fun with their significant other.
Alice Agnello: No, that makes sense. And then, and also be smart about it. And what I mean by that is, don't pick things that are always the things that you want to do, because that's just going to turn him off quicker than anything. And I love your example of miniature golf because we did that. We're high school sweethearts.
So for us to go do miniature golf would be like something from the past that would be really fun, because we did it a lot when we were first dating. And what you said too, having fun together. It's interesting that you said that because I've been trying to get my husband to see the benefits of possibly ordering our groceries online, and having that taken care for us because we will shop together two or three hours on a weekend, and I think it's a waste of our time, meaning we could be spending those hours doing something different.
But, if I see it the way that you're seeing it, meaning that from a man's perspective, he actually enjoys going out and shopping and doing fun, things like that together. And we do talk a lot more because we're together and we're kind of focused in the car doing mundane tasks.
However, I think he enjoys doing it, it's almost like mini- dates to us because we're together doing something. So it's an interesting perspective to just flip it a little and see it from his perspective as he enjoys doing it, he's doing it with me, therefore it's fun. Or I'm like, "This is boring as heck. Can we do something different if we're going to be together?"
Louis Morris: Okay. You can compromise on that. Sometimes you do it and sometimes you don't. You know what I'm saying? But again, that's just a matter of talking it out. You know what I mean? You and him just having a conversation about that and that's nothing difficult. I don't think that would turn into a big argument.
Alice Agnello: No, not at all. And I think to what you're saying is also to have something fun to do in its place. You know what I mean? I think saying, "Hey, instead of going grocery shopping this weekend, let's go miniature golfing. Let's go do this instead. And then I think that would help the whole entire situation. That makes a lot of sense.
Louis Morris: Yeah, it does.
Alice Agnello: So number five.
Louis Morris: Yeah, I was on a consultation call and this woman asked me, how does she know that her boyfriend loves her? Right. And they had been together for a while, and she said he hasn't told me that yet. And I said, "Well, why don't you just tell him first that you love him?" And she said, "No, I want to wait for him to say it, but how can I find out without him saying it?"
So I gave her a few tips, but the last one that I gave her was called the cuddle test. So what this entails is that you're with your significant other and you're on the couch or you're in the bed and you're watching a movie or a television show, and you're actually watching the movie or the television show. You're not like necking or anything, you're not doing any of that. You're actually watching the show, but there's a level of closeness there. Like you're shoulder to shoulder, he's got his arm around you or stuff like that. Maybe you got your leg on his leg. There's a level of closeness there. So you get a snack, but make sure that the snack you get is something that he really likes. I'm a chip guy.
Alice Agnello: So is my husband.
Louis Morris: I love chips, and it's a certain type of chips that I like. They got these chips, WTC or WT something, I don't know that last letter, but they are my favorite chips. But make sure it's something that you like as well, but make sure he really likes it.
So while you're watching a movie or you're watching a television show, right? When it gets down to the last bit in the bowl, ask him for it. "Honey can I have the last little bit of chips there?" If he takes those chips and he eats them, that is not a good sign, it's not good that he did that.
But if he shares them with you, if he says, "Okay sweetie, you take some and I'll take some." But if he gives them to you, that's even better. But the point is, is that this is one of the ways that you know that he really, really cares for you deeply. Because men, we have a thing about food. Everybody likes food. I'm not saying, everybody likes food and we need food.
But if you pay attention to advertising and commercials, when men watch football or the world cup or whatever it is, they do their ads and it's surrounding beer and snacks.
Alice Agnello: Yes.
Louis Morris: That's what it's about. It's surrounding beer, snacks and women. You got to see those three things. You're going to see one of those three things or all those three things in those ads.
Because we're men, that's the stuff that we like. Snacks is very big with us. So if we're willing to share it or give it to our significant other the last bit, that's it's a huge deal. It is a big deal, and it shows that he really loves or is falling in love with this particular person.
Alice Agnello: Okay. That helps a great deal. Due to the fact that my husband does do that, especially when we're sharing something like a dessert or something at night, popcorn or something like that. He's more of a chip guy, I'm more of a popcorn girl, but if we're sharing something, he will always say, "Here have the rest of this."
And of course, I take it as enough front that, "Oh, you're trying to make me fat." You're just making me eat the last of it so that then later on you can say, "See, you ate the last of it." But now if I think about it in the terms that you have just described, I'm actually pretty lucky that he does do that especially with things that he loves, like if it's a really good cheesecake or some sort of dessert, and he always says, "No, you can have the last of it." He almost always does that.
Louis Morris: That is excellent. That really is-
Speaker 3: I will remember you every time now that he does that.
Louis Morris: Okay. Did you say something to him after you heard that part of the podcast. You didn't say anything to him, did you?
Alice Agnello: No, I haven't said anything to him. I'm never going to, because I don't want him to think about that each time he does it. That's just going to be my little secret between you and me, and he doesn't listen to my podcast, at least I don't think he does, so I think I'll be safe.
Louis Morris: You sure? He might.
Alice Agnello: No, because I want the last bite, especially if it's chocolate cake.
Louis Morris: I understand.
Alice Agnello: Louis, these were great. Thank you so much for your advice and your help. And I know I've learned a lot today, so how's it best that someone could get ahold of you?
Louis Morris: Okay. You can go to the website that is loiusmorriscoaching.com, L-O-U-I-S-M-O-R-R-I-S.com or you get in touch with me on Facebook and Instagram at LouisMorriscoaching, and like that. That's all.
Alice Agnello: Awesome. And so here are my three questions that I ask everyone at the end of the interview. Tell me something that not a lot of people know about you.
Louis Morris: I like quiet. I'm not a noisy person. That's one of the reasons I love West Virginia. I'm from the city, so I was raised around a lot of noise, but I love quiet. Quiet is a big deal with me.
Alice Agnello: I like people that they kind of appreciate. That can just sit and appreciate the quiet that is around them. I think that's why I got really good at tuning people out, when my kids were growing up. So name three things that you can't live without, other than your family and friends.
Louis Morris: Okay. The chips. Got to refrain chips. I have to exercise. It's a thing. You know what I'm saying? If I go like a couple of days without doing it, I feel like a bum. I'm like, "What is wrong with you?" You know what I'm saying? You know you have to do something, you know what I'm saying? I have to do that. And I have to read. You know what I'm saying? I have to read something on a regular basis.
You know what I'm saying? Even if it's just an article online, you know what I'm saying? I have to like feed my brain. You know what I'm saying, on a regular basis. And reading is different than anything else. You watch videos and stuff like that, it's not the same as reading. You know what I mean? So those are the three things that are ... My chips, my exercise and my reading. I got to get those three in. It's just a thing.
Alice Agnello: I 100% agree with you on the reading thing. I've been a huge book lover since I was teeny tiny, and I still have at least one book at all times with me, just in case there's an emergency.
Louis Morris: Yeah. I have to do some reading on a regular basis. I have to. It's just important.
Alice Agnello: And if you could choose one song to play every time you entered a room for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Louis Morris: Okay. I've thought about this. It would have to be 'walk this way' by Aerosmith and Run-DMC.
Alice Agnello: Yes.
Louis Morris: Yeah, it would have to be that. I thought, because when I read the question, I said, "Well that would have to be it." You know what I'm saying? Because when I come in, you know what I'm saying, I want ...
Alice Agnello: You want everything going on. You want him screaming in there and you want Run dropping the lyrics, I love it.
Louis Morris: That's right.
Alice Agnello: Well, thank you again, Louis so much for today. That was awesome.
Louis Morris: You're welcome. I appreciate you having me on Alice. I really do.
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